It's a feeling, really.
Not the truth.
It's a cocktail of emotions and thoughts that amount to feeling like you can't do anything,
can't change in the ways you want to – and maybe have been trying to for some time,
can't do the work required to move forward on your goals or ideas,
can't follow through with the commitments you made to yourself or others.
It sucks to feel that way.
It's a feeling. Not the truth.
It may be true that you feel that way, but it simply is not true that you "can't do anything."
Do you know how I know?
Because I feel that way. Often.
I felt that way before I began writing out this article here...
and I still feel that way.
Yet here I am: working, making an effort, doing something.
And yeah, that feeling suuuuucks. I know it well. It comes and goes, and many years ago it was so bad I thought I would never get out of it.
Maybe you're there now, in the pits, trapped, self-harming with your own thoughts, seeing no way out.
I feel you.
I feel you.
I really do.
So what can we do about it?
What can we do after we've already tried numbing out with drugs and booze and sugar and television?
What can we do when it's so clear that no form of self-medicating is getting us any farther from hopelessness?
What can we do when that small, wise, nagging voice within gets louder
the more we try to feel better through consuming something outside of ourselves?
. . .
Ignore it and... go back to sleep?
No my friend, you've slept enough, and you are no longer tired enough to sleep.
No, no more sleeping, no more scrolling, no more binging, no more stewing in those wretched thoughts–
. . .
What can we do... when we "can't do anything?"
. . .
We can create.
When we've slept more than we can sleep, and nothing we consume makes the pain go away...
If you could be in my body and my mind, and you could feel what I am feeling and know what I am thinking, you would know that this is true.
Today I was wrecked. Emotionally distraught and physically agitated to such a degree I felt like destroying everything I've been working toward because why bother, when I have to face these same fucking cycles again and again and AGAIN!
. . .
And then I followed the gentle yet fierce tug of the tiny voice within me saying, "Write! Write! What do you do when you can't do anything? Write!"
And here we are. I feel better. Not perfect, not ecstatic...
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
If I can feel better, you can too. You feel the weight of the whole world on your shoulders, I know.
And you don't need to carry it alone, my friend.
You've done nothing wrong. This punishment can now come to an end.
You are allowed to forgive.
You are allowed to be joyful.
You are allowed to make something of yourself using what you have right now–
and you have enough.
You are enough.
You can do this.
So, you brave Cosmic Traveler,
And remember to surface for air.
And remember to feel your body.
And remember the sound of your laugh.
For you are a powerful creator being of pure cosmic energy.
Create you must. It is your nature, and to ignore your nature, to fight your nature, is to fall upon your own blade.
Thou art not a consumer sheep! Thou art a Warrior of Divine Grace! Thou art a Creator!
And thus, thy must create.
It matters not what you make, Dearest Traveler, only that you make it of your own free will.
Write. Cook. Sing. Dance. Paint. Weave. Build. Color. Draw. Sculpt. Fold...
And unfold your myriad petals,
you sacred lotus.
Grow up from the depths of that muddy muck,
and bloom atop the clear water,
serene and glowing,
You have made it yourself.
You have made...
Be free, my friend.
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