A man I love dearly, and who loves me even more, told me from a place of deep compassion and love as I navigate the grief of separating from my partner,
Don't let a woman change your course.
He's had his fair share of suffering in his life around a woman he loves, and I could tell his words came from a similar place of grief.
And I disagree.
I am so grateful for the ways in which my course was changed – and changing still – and I feel closer to my truth than I ever would if I had chosen differently than to be with her.
So I tell myself.
So I choose to believe.
Never have I been shown so clearly my demons:
The worst, most terrible and terrifying parts of myself...
Never have I felt so received in my affection:
The softest, most tender and loving parts of myself...
Never have I been so encouraged to know my animal:
The deepest, most sensual and primal parts of myself...
All these came to the light of my awareness within the crucible of our connection.
I wouldn't trade it for anything, not even the most painful moments, nor the most bitter resentments ~
~ now evaporating into unconditional love...
Truly, I am humbled to my core–
and shattered to pieces.
This broken mirror of my self strewn about the floor of my mind is melting into a new perspective within the fire of my heart.
One of respect,
and deep, deep, deeper love than any I've known before.
I allow it all,
to consume me,
to become me,
to transform me into someone I have always longed to be...
So I thank you, my love.
. . .
(And since I never got to tell you in person – Happy 41st Birthday.)